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Bitter Youth


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  I've been in both my tediously familiar place to return.
  time, my heart is full of confusion; that time, the sky is a shade of blue; time, I often walk alone on the streets a man; when I in the dark shadow slowly carried the pace, random walk, as if the end always come to the stage.
  often, I love TV drama is not very many books in this daze, that's not what I want. Often, it may not side to read, while working non-stop bustle. Often, a second interview for the failure alone sad. Often, they look for the brother and sister of a slow day, but God. At that time, I am worried. And even, sometimes I hate myself so why should humbly alive. I felt like I was so alive, I'm a little sad.
  yes, then I can not find work. My brother in law from time to time with the sharp tone of irony me, diss me, mock me, saying I'm in education so that I can take to wake up their own anti-anti-awake. But I was a young girl, bright girl who can not compete with the other ego. My idea is very simple, I lost confidence in not up, but it is most needed precisely the loved ones around to encourage me and support me. The kind of verbal attack, physical destruction is too great, as my husband once was to me the spirit to push the disabled brutally ruthless, cold piece of my heart. Now think about it, I have been a little scared, but then I have been afraid to go to my sister and her husband and their home.
  I know, I spent most of 2007 suffering a period of soul.
  During that time, I much suffering. I thought of my own home. I thought of his mother. I'm hesitant at the time, I thought of my dear mother. She gave me too many things that make me less in their own lives take a lot of detours. The kind of meticulous care and selfless love, and always moves me. Mind, mother gave birth to the love, I rediscovered some courage, rekindled some hope. Because I know, my mother, she always supported me.
  Yes, come with me, is bad luck. Comparison with others, I always felt they were not so lucky. Perhaps I was too superstitious; also, perhaps, I too consider, mind too much, and always put everything very seriously, so in between gains and losses, my heart is very difficult to achieve balance, once lost, it will be too disappointed.
  of April in 07 years, as I expected, I did not pass the Civil Service written test, which means I do not have the qualifications to participate in the interview, and I have wasted those efforts. Bad luck go hand in hand to accompany me, so my mood is getting worse, let me temper worse. Palm-sized piece of my place in Zhuzhou lost a whole month, did not find I want to work.
  follows are my sister and her husband on their relentless verbal fried wanton bad, I have so much more depressed. And so I do not want to go down, even a small step.
  time, mood swings, to the bottom.
  So, I take up the luggage, at my request, my real mother agreed to let me go home for a few days, and then run to Canton. Guangdong That is where I once spent, we should go to that place, I really was out of frustration.
  time, I have no money, I am ashamed to ask for money with my real mother. Because growing up to now, I have been to Shen Zhuoshou money to my real mother and Qindie read, eat, buy clothes ... ...
  day, I superimpose my mother a few hundred dollars, I packed up again from home to an unpredictable place went to --- Guangdong. I have been to Guangdong, but I'm afraid to Guangdong. I do not like that place, I hate that people of the city are many and complex, I hate that the city's inconstancy of human relationships, I hate the city's mean boss, rude, and I hate that city people Fuzao, of course, I admit I'm no exception .
  When I was taken home, a distance very far out of the house, I found that I slowed down, I just traveled alone, even in tears has suffused my whole eyes. At that time, my heart filled with a big fear. Yes, I'm afraid not far from the city put in, let me be daunting. However, no alternative, I had started and has turned several corners, could not see the door of my home.
  extreme feelings of sorrow in this case, I was taken a step.
  I kept with the send messages to friends over there and told him to take care of me. In fact, the heart does not want to ask anyone, especially the opposite sex, I think that owes to others, and perhaps one day that she has cost a thing. The thought of this, I am afraid again.
  consider before I think, I have been hesitant in the streets of Hengyang City. I hid in the dormitory for single relatives, hooded day and night to sleep, I even afraid to admit the fact that I have right ------ went to Guangdong to find a job to support my body in good health.
  So I then sleeping during the day and two night for two. Finally,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the third day early in the morning, I washed her face and head with cold water clean, the people are awake a lot. I secretly resolved to find a job I'm going to Changsha. I want the direction of the heart near point home, then near point.
  such a thought, I'm on the third day of the early morning, they began to set out.
  my relatives sent me to the bus station. I remember that I trust with that very memorable and looked at him, because he stayed around, I am at ease, a calm mind. However, I do not know if my family see me from my eyes to these ideas. He just turned to me as the subject of ridicule, all the way Oh and I am to be with his smirk, a ramble in speech, perhaps, he did not notice that point I think.
  in this very complex state of mind to catch the bus to go to Changsha.
  of the road, hit really hit Britain Britain. I met I have not encountered trouble. Yes, maybe it is not trouble, just some bad things, and I only willing to resolve the trouble.
  In the long-distance bus, I met a wretched rogue behavior, and now want to come, but also has to make me vomit. However, for all he did to me, I do not like other girls and the reaction was so strong retaliation agile ease, because I was not bold but still a little shy of the house. Therefore, I used a very civilized language, I'm the bad guy, indecent Pizi, put respect for the points. Then, the dirty Pizi, did not dare touch my bad, just a head covered with newspaper,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], sitting there bored to sleep, the newspaper covered with flies buzzing stop there from time to time, I wondered: the hooligans , indecent Pizi, is not dead? Or in shock? Perhaps this is only my heart cursed him, get him, I feel a pleasure. However, the reality was confirmed by my curse and revenge was not successful. Because, I curse and is happily back at him,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], I turned a look to his body, his face turned to the other side, with his back to me. But then, he did not provoke me again, I Shunshundangdang to arrive in Changsha.
  me to the second encounter trouble in Changsha, I have to say carefully.
  I try to find it, in an effort to sway a sweat poured another splash. This time, I did not like when it was full of confusion in Zhuzhou and frustration, even instant noodles alone swallow hard to swallow, repeated day after day. Hand, provoked such a lackluster day of the death of my gray mood. While looking for work and did not go well, even ending up nose full of dust, can be, life seems more substantial, and I polish the sky too much. Overcast days, the blue shade is no longer blue, but pure blue pure blue of the.
  from Changsha May 4, yes, is this day, I wore white glare of the summer, wear out a pair I bought cost me to high heels September October. I can only quietly that I do not like the pair of heels, the pair have to make my demons Jiao Yazi shoe maintains a haughty attitude, because I had not a proud people, which makes my Jiao Yazi have been very uncomfortable. However, I still insist on wearing a pair of high-profile shoes, so my whole pride of foot almost a month.
  then, I have less than a week to find out I think very satisfied with the work, but I do not feel at ease is that there are three months long trial period, it makes my heart is not practical at the same time also feel uneasy. The basic wage for work more than two thousand, and is all in the name of a university to do things, so that makes me a little bit more happy, because I particularly aspire to work in college because my college life has always been a cause satisfied. So, I take for granted that: the job is really too easy and too more comfortable out.
  So far, I also clearly remember my second week to work on Monday, when the situation. I've come so I'm not stepping on a pleasant pair of high heels, but I remember that I had feet like the wind, go particularly elegant. I entered the look of the sun to the university. At that time, I also looked at the so-called noble head held high and solemn gate, I stood secretly in the heart of the school gate on the head of the university said: I came, I am about to become a member of your school. This, to me, seems to be a tremendous honor and very happy about, is like knocking on the door of the pie, I suddenly picked up, how valuable is an opportunity which can not only things that ah !
  report when entering the room, I was flattered. I continue to think with his head, and I will sit later this spacious and bright office, you can drink tea to read newspapers, yes, there is a call. When the waiter delivered a glass of water before me, I was exceptionally friendly and took the water, I loudly said to her \I did not think could be the other is the so-called Wu restricted the oxygen that some information in the inquiry after the teacher called the other took us one week to attend training. Then I was that he brought out this bright and spacious office, which made me a little disappointed. And out of the material is large, the latter even went to a group of like me, who called to work. We were into a big classroom, heard that the pre-training. I am a woman of my age sat down next to compatriots. The reason that her compatriots, the first reason is because she will become my new colleagues, and the second reason is because she had an anxiety, like me, because excessive thin face, and the third reason is because of her look there is also filled with unease. Relying on these three points, I'll be down around her sitting posture. And my heart was unexpectedly practical.
  I sat beside her less than three minutes, we like to talk a long time, like every up to friends. We each talked of the sad job, as intimate friends, dig dug lungs to the heart talking. There is a saying like this: Why have known each other meet it? We now seem to have become good friends. Later, when leaving this school, we Chile Dun potluck together, eating dinner we will no longer met.
  classroom filled with a lot of people, the scene is very lively and people boiling. But the fellow next to me and my premonition was obviously a disaster,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], more precisely, or a hoax. We both bowed his head whispering, we discuss the discussion to go. Later, we guess, it seems to be hearsay, \. Later, to lead this university, and to stop the farce of this spectacular staged. School leaders said it was a hoax, their schools simply do not recruit people. A group of crooks want to argue that the school's leadership and got the security. View this situation,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], I and my fellow next to leave the classroom immediately, the crowd have dispersed. In this panic situation, it is also warming up the talks about it, seems to be something interesting, to slip in your mouth and slipped in the joking mood seems to have been renewed. Of course, including me, this dramatic figure. The friend next to me and the way in the back tried to chew it, while also not forget the indignation of a few, just as patriotic youth, quite satisfied with this school. Because the school does not have time to stop that from happening. Because the schools were so large and formal, allows the gang through the streets that lie, it makes a little bit funny, right, is a contemptuous smile.
  two of us talked for very warm and positive, and forgot to bring the hunger did not have breakfast. Because we are six in the morning to come, and now to eight, less than two hours, they were invisible to the school driven out. As we see the restaurants, we only think of being called the stomach trouble, and then we both said in unison to breakfast together, quite understanding, I really forget that scene, we were really feeling somewhat Brief Encounter such as the Concert-like.
  Later, we each left a phone number, but as time went on, our phone number is simply not used. In this way, maybe she will I left.
  Although cheated, did not work out. But fortunes turned, my luck has come.
  I found several jobs a row, speaking of wages, the bargaining was kind enough to others, such as a commodity, like himself, gave nothing more than taking worn. I chose the work of a fairly smug go to work, this is not a scam, very securely, I'm still the place for nearly five months.
  is today, I am here to ramble saying these things. Very common some very trivial things.

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